Behind the Lens

I went grocery shopping with my mum today to help her, and so that I could get a ride to another store to buy more conditioner and body wash. 

Ended up spending 60 dollars.  But, I got a workout top (taking going to the gym very seriously this summer, to get more healthy), two dresses that can be casual or business casual as well as a 100% silk tunic which is absolutely stunning and only 10$ from a thrift store.  [to clarify, only the silk tunic was thrifted, definitely NOT the workout top!]  Didn’t plan to spend so much, but if I had bought dresses another day and from another store I imagine that I would have spent much more.  And that 60$ includes the toiletries… at the very least, bang for the buck. 

Three hours to go. I can do this.

Six hours to go.  Then onto the next one.

Can’t believe I’ve been sick for two solid weeks now. I was almost feeling better around Thursday but I’ve woken up today feeling much worse. Obviously I just can’t get a break.

May have made up my mind.

Now that I’ve wasted the whole evening, I better scratch out at least a draft of this paper on refugee policy/global governance.  And I’m going to bed by 1.

Answers.

What I want more than anything, even more than finishing these papers.  And it’s stopping me from focussing and finishing them.  I can’t do this.

It enrages me that people will go behind my back and bother my friends.  If it’s none of your business how I’m doing but you still think you have a right to know, grow the hell up and ask me right off the bat; DON’T bring other people into it.

Everything hurts tonight - arthritis in my hands, headache, stomachache, back ache and worst of all heart ache - but I’m so incredibly fortunate to have amazing and supportive friends. Makes things a little easier to bear. Thank you.

navk:

(colour) overwhelmed, or perhaps underwhelmed. failure to understand. under- something, or just under. kicking, flailing, gasping for breath. breathless. underneath. icarus in the sky and sea; falling.

.

syn. drowning

//navk.

I wish I was a hundred times stronger than I am. It is still so much farther from over than I thought. Why is this so hard, and why am I so unsure of my decisions? I was so close to being sure until got that message tonight. Oh god, I don’t know… don’t know anything and if I could have one thing it would be to know where to find the answers I need.

And yours is very curly, don’t start with your own.  Not even for a trim.